If you have someone special you want to show love to this Valentine’s Day, consider their Language of Love (Gary Chapman, Five Languages of Love). It’s a simple concept, but not one we often pay attention to on a regular basis with our loved ones.
We all have a little of each of these languages, but most likely you have a dominant one. Let me first explain the languages, then give you some examples and ideas.
The easy way for me to remember the five languages is Tell me, Touch me, Show me and Show me has three types.
Jack is a “Quality Time” guy. So, if I fly in the airplane with him, go to the (Indianapolis 500) races with him, or work on some project building something, then he feels I really love him. I do love him but I may have other things I would prefer to do… but I know that doing what he loves while spending time with me feels like love to him!
I am an “Acts of Service” gal. Before I understood the languages of love, I was delivering act of service upon act of service to Jack and he didn’t notice, nor appreciate what I had done. I felt so under-loved! I rearranged his pantry, purchased new curtains and hung them and even bought an oil painting he had admired (that’s a gift though). He could have cared less. You see, If you deliver love in your love language it may be ineffective. It has to be THEIR language. Once Jack recognized how much I love my children and grand children and he would offer to help them (act of service), or that I needed something particular built and didn’t know how to do it but he did…he realized that was an act of service! And I love him back for just doing these things!
Once when I was speaking to a group, I was describing these love languages. I told them I wasn’t that big on gifts and conveyed that verbal compliments just rolled off my back as platitudes. I explained (as an example) that I much preferred Acts of Service. At the end of the speech, they delicately brought out a potted plant as a gift of appreciation. We all had a laugh and of course I accepted the plant graciously!
So what do we do as love gestures for each of these languages? First, try to assess your love languages. There is a brief quiz on love languages online. Once you complete the quiz, as a couple, discuss the results and laugh over past times. Assessments don’t just have to be for partners, but also they work for children. Discuss these languages with children to better understand each other and how to be effective in communicating.
Tell me people really like love letters outlining special times you have had together. For children that may take the form of lunch box notes or messages left on their pillows. Of course ongoing verbal affirmations is their primary language.
Touch me people love a caress, a hand on the knee, a peck on the neck, a little longer cuddle, or being helped into their robe or coat.
For Show me – Quality time people, think about what they enjoy. Is it watching old movies, bowling, taking a drive, building something together, eating out? Then package up that “something” with a gift certificate to do just that. If your favorite things are antiquing, riding horses, and baking but these are NOT their favorites, that is not a quality time gift for them.
Show me – Gift people seem the easiest to me. Chocolate and flowers work but also things they drop hints about. I did see a list of the 10 worst things to give your spouse which included vacuum cleaners, gym memberships, and new socks. So give with the person you love in mind, not their bad habits or what you think they need!
Now what do we Acts of Service people want as a love gesture? Part of the problem is we want it without having to ask for it and we don’t need you to gloat after doing it (“See I folded the clothes in the dryer!”) Granted, these are difficult to come up with. Here are some suggestions, however…wash the car, take on a chore they hate, help them with a project they are working on, any household chores not already ”assigned” to you, clean up after dinner, put away the dishes, make a music playlist, have lunch delivered, clean up an area of the house that is driving them nuts, help without being asked, handle travel logistics, start their car to warm up, toss their towel in the dryer ready for when they get out of the shower (I love that one!)
Happy sweetheart’s day!
Do you recall watching the movie, Backdraft? I watched it with my (career) firefighter-brother, Mike. We both cried at the end as Mike was touched with the brotherhood among firefighters. I became emotional because one of the firefighters died. I told him I could never imagine something like that happening to him.
Mike was an author, worldwide training specialist, and instructor in rope and confined space rescue. He was the alpha team leader for FEMA in charge of search and rescue at the Oklahoma City bombing, overnight lead on search and rescue at the World Trade Center September 11, 2001 and rescue worker following Hurricane Katrina. He had some stories to tell and we always wanted him to start a book about these experiences. I feel that many of the mental images, however were too painful to bring up again and write about.
Having served over 30 years as a firefighter than battalion chief in Virginia Beach, he didn’t die in active duty. In fact, he had retired 10 years prior to his death. He died July 27, 2020. My brother – Michael Gordon Brown, was my hero.
Mike was three years younger than me and six year younger than my older sister, Sherry. We grew up in one of those 1950-60’s homes where the dad worked, mom was at home cleaning and cooking until we were of high school age. We owned one car. We played Kick-the-Can until dark and the neighborhood mothers all used different whistles to call us home.
In high school, Mike was a police dispatcher and served on the volunteer fire and rescue squad in Blacksburg. He pretty much blew off college weighing in at about a 0.0 his freshman year. This was much to my father’s dismay as Dad was a university administrator at Virginia Tech. His love was fire and rescue. Dad along with the rest of the family were ever so proud when he graduated at the top of his fire school training class in Virginia Beach.
Mike was a social kind of guy and just fun to be with. His booming voice and massive presence would fill a room. He was my little brother; but he was bigger than life to me!
Mike saved so many people throughout his lifetime. And he could have died in the line of duty time and again. But he didn’t. We were gifted with his presence for 63 years. When he died, Mike tripped and fell at home. It was later deemed a stroke, but it was apparent, it was his time to go.
Mike had retired to Little River in Floyd County, Virginia with his wife Lisa and dog Ax. When we spoke on the phone, he would tell me “Ax” stories. He told me how Ax just looks at him as if he understood him and related how Ax was the “smartest dog” he had ever had. He had an idea that he wanted to write a children’s book featuring Ax. Since I had written a few children’s books, he asked me how to start. He identified Fire Safety as the topic. I told him to start conceptualizing the book and I would come take photos of Ax to use within the book. The day we visited Mike and Lisa to take photos was the last day I saw him alive. He gave me a big bear hug, as always, but this time, he lingered… comforting me. The reason we were there was an escape from our day-to-day reality. We were in mourning (as he was), after the death of my daughter 20 days prior. He and Lisa put together a little picnic lunch, and we drove his ATV down by the river to let Ax play while I took pictures for his book.
His death was a complete shock for all of us. We held a memorial service (during a pandemic) and honored his life with friends, firefighters, and family in attendance at his home, outside by the river. Ax was there too.*
Following his death, Sherry (my sister), and I were determined to complete Mike’s book. He had already entitled the book, “Oh Snap! It’s Ax!” Indeed, we completed the ABCs of fire safety children’s book. It is available on Amazon.
We are the final phases of having it translated into Spanish. I give credit to my long-time friend, Julia de Atiles for helping us understand that first of all an ABC book doesn’t translate word for word alphabetically. Ax, for example, in Spanish is Hatcha. Watch for the Spanish version entitled, “Oh Snap! es Ax!” We feel this is a great book for families, schools, and fire departments. It and can be used to highlight safety during fire safety week October 3-9, 2021.
We honored Michael following his death by completing a book. Of course, I would far rather have him still here with us but have so many proud memories of my brother, my hero. Who is your hero?
To honor Michael, a scholarship fund has been established to help train future firefighters. Contributions may be sent to the fire training academy scholarship fund that is being established in Michael‘s name. Checks may be made to: Fraternal Order of Virginia Beach Fire Chiefs, address is P.O. Box 56151, Virginia Beach, VA 23456-1151. Note the contribution is for the Michael G. Brown scholarship fund.
* Ax now lives with Mike’s son Garrett and enjoys life with Mike’s grand daughters pictured here.
A storm is coming! It may snow overnight! Did you hear the weather report? And if so, did you buy bread, milk and eggs? What’s everyone going to make with these items? This trio is always on the winter storm shopping list. Are you perhaps making, French Toast?!
How do you prepare for a storm and what do you do on a cold wintery day? We build a great fire and sip hot coffee or tea. We read, watch movies, and maybe do a little crafting or cooking! But make French Toast, probably not! We will wait and bake that for you when you visit!
Luckily our chickens have started laying again so we don’t have to pick up any eggs.
Isn’t it interesting, however that bread, eggs and milk are those staples that get us through a storm? We can certainly do a lot with eggs such as baking, frying, or even making a cake. And milk is certainly a wholesome ingredient. As for bread; always a staple. There is nothing is more essential on a cold day than a toasted cheese sandwich!
With a cold wintry day in mind, we are sharing a few favorite recipes with bread, eggs, and milk in mind. And yes, you can substitute gluten free bread or almond milk to any of these!
From our house to yours, stay warm and enjoy.
Layer these two ingredients in pan:
8 slices of bread (cubed)
8 oz. Cream cheese (cube)
Mix and pour over top:
2 c. milk
1/3 c. syrup
Let sit overnight
Bake 375 degrees 45 min., 9×13 casserole dish
6-8 slices cubed bread – arrange in 9 x 13 glass pan
1 lb. Sausage – brown, drain and sprinkle over bread
½ c. shredded Swiss cheese
4 slightly beaten eggs
1 ¼ c. milk
1 t. prepared mustard
1 ½ c. sharp cheddar cheese grated
¾ c. light cream or canned milk or half n half
1 c. mushrooms
1 t. Worcestershire sauce
Brown sausage, drain and put over bread, spread cheeses and mushrooms. Combine mustard with milk add cream, eggs and seasonings and pour over dish. Refrigerate overnight. Bake 350 degrees 35-40 min. 9 servings
Using a blender, blend in this order on high for 30 seconds. Scrape side and blend 20 more seconds.
2 T. melted butter
1 1/3 c. milk
1 c. plain flour (or GF Flour)
½ t. salt
1 T. sugar
Refrigerate batter or use immediately.
Pour ¼ cup batter in medium warm slightly greased 8-10 inch skillet. Tilt skillet to a thin batter coverage. When light brown, turn to cook other side. Makes 12-16. Fill with jelly of sweetened fruit. Roll up. Sprinkle with confectioner’s sugar or top with whipped cream. Serve with syrup.
Almond Cream Crepe filling
Blend with electric mixer.
1 16 oz. cream cheese
1/3 c. sugar
1 t. almond extract
2 c. sour cream
1 (5 oz can of evaporated milk
1 t. ground dry mustard
1-2 t. salt, pepper to taste
1 c. grated cheddar cheese
Bunch of Cilantro
325 degrees. Spray cooking spray on a 9X 13 pan. Sprinkle cheese in bottom of pan. Beat rest together. Pour over cheese. Bake 40 min until firm. Cut into squares.
2 T. water
4 oz. Shaved smoked ham, chopped
1 c. shredded mozzarella cheese (divided)
About 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro, divided
Preheat oven 350. Beat eggs and water with wire whisk in a medium bowl. Stir in ham, ½ of the cheese and 1 T. cilantro. Pour into greased 9-inch pie plate. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake 30 min or until puffed and golden grown. Sprinkle with remaining cilantro.
If you follow the Bedford Landings blog, you have been seeing teasers about a new art piece to be added to the water feature area in the yard. Thanksgiving day, our family gathered to reveal and dedicate the sculpture designed to be in memory of Karen’s daughter, Whitney, who died this past June, 2020.
The artist Larry Betchel from Blacksburg, VA, entitled the piece, STRENGTH, FALLEN, SOARS.
The sculpture is abstract encompassing the Chinese symbol of strength, which Whitney had tattooed on her shoulder. The complementary tendrils reach towards the heavens and drape to the ground. Some days when it rains, the raindrops will flow into Marthy’s creek which was designed for and named after Whitney’s Grandmother (died 2014). The sculpture was conceptualized to represent Whitney’s fierce strength and determined movement. At some angles, it looks like a bird in flight while others days, a dancer, or a scarf in the wind.
There is a purple accent jewel which honors her beloved husband Quentin (nicknamed Purple) and represents her favorite color and her birthstone. Glassblower, Tim Burke, from Floyd, Virginia (Crenshaw Lighting) blew this teardrop-shaped piece particularly for the sculpture. Incorporated in the glass are some of Whitney’s ashes. The glass will reflect the light during different seasons of the year.
Jack designed and constructed the base. It is a Scottish cairn (a tower of rocks). Cairns often mark a grave. The old Scots Gaelic blessing ‘Cuiridh mi clach air do chàrn’ or ‘I’ll put a stone on your cairn’ is said to mean ‘I’ll always remember you’ and ‘you will not be forgotten.’ Each family member added a stone to the base.
We apologize to our readers that we have (therapeutically) been such an open book about our losses this year. Hopefully we can bring some closure as we share a few other important celebrations.
Our friend and artist, Nancy Rae Brown (previously of Smith Mountain Lake and now living in Wilmington, NC), completed a beautiful colored pencil drawing of our sweet Bella who died in October. The sketch of Bella (lower) now join Kramer (upper) on our walls. She did an amazing job capturing her sweet personality!
Fire Chief, Michael G. Brown of Virginia Beach, Virginia was my (Karen’s) brother. Along with my sister (Sheridan Brown), we edited and completed a book Mike had started featuring his standard poodle, Ax as the storyteller. The book teaches about fire safety using the ABC’s. Designed for 5-12 year old children, the book has pages where children can “fill in the blanks” and gives at least 26 safety rules to learn. This book was presented to each family member and we read it together Thanksgiving night. The book is available on Amazon.
It is entitled “Oh Snap, It’s Ax!” Perhaps this would make a good gift!!
Our home becomes your home (all except use of the kitchen and my room!) when you stay at Bedford Landings B & B. So please visit so we might share more with you.
We wish you a happy holiday season! Wear your mask, stay safe and above all, remember to love each other NOW!
I am thankful for my amazing, smart husband that has been lovingly building a (Scottish) cairn. Many times, a cairn marks a grave, the old Scots Gaelic blessing ‘Cuiridh mi clach air do chàrn’ or ‘I’ll put a stone on your cairn’ is said to mean ‘I’ll always remember you’ and ‘you will not be forgotten’.
In my last blog I alluded to the fact that there is a new structure coming to Bedford Landings B & B. This cairn will serve as the base for a sculpture to memorialize my daughter, Whitney, who died this summer.
Jack poured a footer, then poured a concrete column to stack the rock around. Among the skills we had building our B & B, laying stone was not among them, so we had to learn how to adhere a rounded rock to a flat surface. It has been a little frustrating as the rock was falling off and we tried product after product. But I think Jack’s patience paid off and it is almost complete. The braces are to hold the rock until the 24-hour curing process has passed before removing the braces.
The sculpture is near complete thanks to the artistic oversight of sculptor, Larry Bechtel. It is in Floyd, Virginia, awaiting the final step. The sculpture is an (polished steel) abstract but will have a “jewel” affixed to it. The “jewel” is a piece of blown glass that has incorporated some of Whitney’s ashes into the design. Tim Burke, is the glass blower in the Glassworks shop at Crenshaw Lighting in Floyd, Virginia. Pictured is the hot molten glass that he is working on. If all goes according to plan, we are anticipating picking it up by Tuesday to mount on the cairn.
We are hoping that on Thanksgiving we can give thanks to the light that Whitney brought into our lives for 35 years. And then give thanks for each other in our family.
Each year, we take a family photo but this year a few important family members will be missing.
This Thanksgiving take some time out of the busyness of kitchen. Sit with your adult child and look at them. Listen to them. Love them and appreciate what they have brought to your life.
We expect four adult children (Katie, Garrett, Shawn and Quentin – we will be missing Jennifer, Alex, Tony, and Megan) coming to share their partners (Ashley, Tianna, and Chris) and seven children with us. Risky during a pandemic? Yes! But we are all promising to have been cautious the past month and to be cautious while together. I want them to each know what joys they are to each other and to us. We will miss our Whitney, our Michael, our Eloise, and even our sweet Bella. But look who is still here! Look around you! Who do you appreciate? Give Thanks.